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Batmania: Batman Meets Marvel and Other Silliness July 19, 2008

Posted by lotrking in Comic Book Stuff.
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Yesterday’s release of The Dark Knight has inspired me to present the following material.

First off, a absolutely hilarious video examining all the hype surrounding the release of Dark Knight:

Second, a short story I posted a few months ago (the original post can be found here) starring Batman … in the Marvel Universe! And yes, it is humorous also (at least it made me laugh, but I’m easily amused, and my humor seems to impress me the most. Arrogant? Or Narcisisstic? You decide.)
Anywhooz, for those too lazy to click on the above link, here is the post in its entirety:

So the other day, I was bored, and I had some time on my hands. These two are never a good combination. I ended up writing a script whose main purpose was to make fun of Batman. Eventually it evolved to make fun of everyone featured. So, like any good blogger, I decided to post it here. To those who get angered easily, please keep in mind that I stereotyped EVERY character involved, in fact I stereotyped them on purpose. So yes, I realize these are not very good representations of the characters, so please don’t get mad at me if your favorite character was not represented well. That said, let’s have some fun, and dig into this thing.

RANDOM PERSON 1: Look!
RP2: In the sky!
RP3: What the heck is it?
BATMAN: Why it’s the Bat Signal, of course!
RP1: The what?
BATMAN: The Bat Signal! It signals that Batman is needed to help fight crime!
RP2: Who the heck is Batman?
BATMAN: Why I am, of course!
RP3: Are you registered with the SHRA?
BATMAN: Holiday Hooby-Whatey?
*enter IRON MAN*
IRON MAN: Costumed vigilante! You are commanded to cease what you are doing and present proof of Initiative Membership!
*BATMAN reaches to Bat Belt*
BATMAN: All I have is this. *hands card to IRON MAN*
IRON MAN: What is this? This isn’t an Initiative license!
BATMAN: Why it’s the Bat Card of course!
IRON MAN: This isn’t Government Issue, where did you get it?
BATMAN: From my Bat Belt of course! The source of any item I ever need!
IRON MAN: I’m sorry, this won’t do, I’ll have to escort you to the 42 Negative Zone Prison!
*enter SPIDER-MAN*
SPIDER-MAN: Black Panther! Your skin! You’ve pulled a Michael Jackson! (At least you still have your nose!)
IRON MAN: This isn’t Black Panther, you idiot, it’s …. erm… Catman!
BATMAN: Batman!
IRON MAN: Whatever. Nonetheless, unless you sign the SHRA and submit to training, I will have no choice but to incarcerate you. Spidey, that goes for you to!
SPIDER-MAN: Not unless I take him with me to the secret hideout of the New Avengers!
IRON MAN: Dude, I read New Avengers Annual 2, you don’t have a secret hideout. It was destroyed when the Hood’s gang attacked, and Dr. Strange, your most powerful member, has quit, so unless you have an invisible army with you, I’m taking you both in.
SPIDER-MAN: Ha! You’ll never be able to take me and him at the same time! I’ll get away, and you’ll never find me, because you don’t know my secret identity anymore! So nyahh!
IRON MAN: Of course I do you’re ….. wait a minute, who are you? I know we used to be friends, but I suddenly can’t remember your name! It’s like someone retconned everything that has happened to you over the last several years!
SPIDER-MAN: Yup, it got retconned along with my marriage, my best friend’s death, and my sense of responsibility. Now I’m a jobless loser, who’s never been married, and still lives at home, while whining about how poor I am, and borrowing money from my dead best friend who isn’t dead any more!
BATMAN: I hate to interrupt, but that story sucks way too much to be believed. Are you sure you just didn’t have my pal Superman just use one of his infinite amount of powers, and erase his memory?
SPIDER-MAN: Of course not! The writers of my story are convinced that it was one of the best stories ever written!
BATMAN: *to himself* They must have somehow stolen some Bat Weed from my Bat Belt, to delude themselves like that!
IRON MAN: What was that?
BATMAN: Nothing.
IRON MAN: Whatever. Now I am taking you both in, you have two choices, you can come quietly or–
*DR STRANGE materializes out of nowhere*
DR STRANGE: Not so fast!
BATMAN: Who are you?
DR STRANGE: By the Vishanti! You know not who I am? I am Dr. Strange!
BATMAN: What a Strange name! *everyone groans at the horrible joke* And what can you do?
DR STRANGE: Magic!
BATMAN: Oh! A magician, eh? I once played one of those. Except it wasn’t really me, rather the same actor who played me in a movie (did I mention I have 5 movies? How many do you losers have?) and was also in a movie called–
DR STRANGE: No, real magic.
BATMAN: There’s no such thing, it’s just your lame excuse for not wanting to explain how you –
DR STRANGE: By the Sons of Satannish, you shall become a goat! *BATMAN turns into a goat, then turns back* Not so lame now, am I?
BATMAN: *who still has a goatee* Ha! At least everything I can do is of my own creation!
IRON MAN: *silently* Computer, record the following discussion for records of SHRA identification. *out loud* And what can you do?
BATMAN: Why, I have no powers, but I can still kick your butts any day, with all of the handy dandy utilities on my Bat Belt!
IRON MAN: Ha, all I would need to do is fry you with my –
BATMAN: Before you could even finish, I would disable your armor with my Bat EMP Emitter.
IRON MAN: Ha! I can detect EMPs before they happen, and shut down my systems before they happen!
BATMAN: Then I would simply use it in conjunction with my Bat Block Iron Man’s EMP Detector Machine, also conveniently found on my Bat Belt! And I could take out your buddies here with my Bat Webbing Dissolver, and my Bat Magic Blocker! Then, if I got hungry, I could have some Bat Spam!
RANDOM BRITISH WOMAN: I DON’T LIKE SPAM!!!
IRON MAN: How could you possibly have those items, especially since you didn’t believe in magic up until a few minutes ago?
BATMAN: My Bat Belt is equipped with everything I could possibly need (all of which I invented) and it is still extraordinarily light!
SPIDER-MAN: That’s impossible! And you think my story sounded stupid? At least I didn’t have Deluded Creators!
IRON MAN: I’ve had enough of this, I’m going to take you both in and get some help, and – wait a minute, Dr. Strange, what exactly are you doing here? I thought you took vacation time at a very inopportune moment in order meditate, and do other boring things, to fix you’re magic skills!
DR STRANGE: You’re right! I don’t know what I’m doing here. It must have just been one of those moments where I appear out of nowhere to fix a situation that I wasn’t even involved with in the first place! You’re on your own Spider-Man; I’ve got boring magic fixing stuff to do. *DR STRANGE vanishes into the air*
IRON MAN: Good, now that he’s gone, I’m calling in the reinforcements. Sentry! Your presence is required immediately!
*The SENTRY flies in*
SENTRY: Hi guys! I’m CRAZY!
BATMAN: That’sssss ……. nice.
SENTRY: How can I help you Iron Man? (I’m CRAZY!)
IRON MAN: Well, I need to arrest these two, but I can’t detain both at the same time, so I need you to –
SENTRY: No need to say more! (I’m CRAZY!) I’ll just fly this guy into the Sun, and you’ll have Spidey all to yourself! (I’m CRAZY!)
*SENTRY grabs BATMAN and flies off into space*
IRON MAN: No wait! *but it is too late* Alas poor Batman, we barely knew him! Batman has passed on! He is no more! He has ceased to be! He’s expired and gone to meet his maker! Bereft of life, he rests in peace! If he wasn’t thrown into the Sun, he’d be pushing up daisies! His metabolic processes are now history! He’s sleeping with the fishes and has gone to Davy Jones’ locker! He’s kicked the bucket, he’s shuffled off his mortal coil, run down the curtain, and joined the bleeding choir invisible! This is an ex-Batman!
*SENTRY comes zooming back into the atmosphere*
SENTRY: Well, that was easy! (I’m CRAZY!)
BATMAN: I’m not dead yet, I’m getting better!
IRON MAN: AAAAAAAAIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE! How are you still here?
BATMAN: Simple, once I heard he was going to fly me into the Sun, I simply pushed the Bat Cloning Button on my Bat Belt. He only flew my Bat Clone into the Sun.
SPIDER-MAN: I once had a clone, and then he thought he was me and I was him, and everybody hated it, and it has never been referred to since.
*awkward silence*
BATMAN: OK then.
SENTRY: I’m CRAZY!
IRON MAN: Batman, you could become a nuisance here really quick!
SPIDER-MAN: I’ve got an idea how to get rid of him! Oi! Mephisto!
*MEPHISTO appears*
MEPHISTO: Yes?
SPIDER-MAN: I’m ready to make another deal; you wanna retcon this Batman guy out of existence for me?
MEPHISTO: Of course, but the price will be that all that has happened in the last few minutes will also be retconned away too.
IRON MAN: You mean anyone who read this will have wasted their precious time by reading something that never happened?
MEPHISTO: That is correct.
SENTRY: I’m CRAZY!
SPIDER-MAN: I can live with that! Do it!
MEPHISTO: OK, but before I do, I want to tell you something that will make a small part of your souls suffer, even if you won’t remember. I’m going to tell you something very important, that you will now never know because I will erase having told you. Iron Man: YOU are the Skrull!
IRON MAN: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO….. (SENTRY: I’m CRAZY!) …..OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…… *all fades into darkness*
MEPHISTO: *laughs evilly* HA HA HA HA HA! I love doing that. *MEPHISTO pulls off his face, which is revealed to only be a mask, JOE QUESADA is revealed to be underneath*
JOE QUESADA: Ah, nothing like the smell of a good retconning in the morning!

END.

😉

-LOTRKing

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Review of The Dark Knight (4.5 stars) July 17, 2008

Posted by lotrking in Other Random Stuff.
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Overall rating: 4.5 out of 5 stars

Intense is the word for Dark Knight. Without a doubt, it was the most terrifying, suspenseful, and dark superhero movie that I have seen. While this is its greatest asset, it also serves as its flaw. Yes, we get tons of violence, tons of jump moments, tons of scenes keeping you on the edge of your seat, but this dip into the world of dark gives viewers very little chances to “come up for air” as it were. Maybe I just enjoy humor too much, but this entire movie had a rain cloud hovering, if not down pouring, for almost the full two-and-a-half hours, with not but a rare short ray of sunshine (and most of the humor was dark humor anyway). Despite this, it was still very satisfying to me as a general movie-goer, and as a comic book fan.

If you do not want SPOILERS, READ NO FURTHER. If you want my spoiler-less review, go here.

First off, I was worried that the Joker might be a little over-the-top cheesy. After all, he’s the Joker! But not only was Heath Ledger able to perfectly play his character, the Joker came off as believable. The entire persona was that of a crazed murderer, who was anything but funny, and definitely frightening. It’s only once in a very great while that you see someone acting in a role they were born to play (superhero examples include Hugh Jackman as Wolverine and Robert Downey Jr. as Iron Man), but that was exactly the case here. It is therefore very unfortunate that this was Ledger’s final role. I’m sure the Joker will be in the next Batman movie, like the Scarecrow was featured here, but no matter how good the replacement, I highly doubt they will be able to recreate the insanity that Ledger brought to the role.

Speaking of role changes, Maggie Gyllenhaal successfully replaces Katie Holmes as Rachel Dawes. While the “torn-between-two-men” scenario displayed here is certainly not new, especially to superhero lore, it is told here in a believable way. Perhaps most tragic is Bruce’s belief that she will wait for Batman to “save Gotham” and then unite with him, when in reality she knows that he will never forsake the Batman persona, and therefore intends to marry Harvey Dent. While this movie had many shocking scenes, her death tops the list. Of course, the Joker’s trick which leads to her death further shows that despite his chaotic manner, there lies a true criminal mastermind underneath, one with the perfect brain for creating maximum emotional torture.

Yet the most surprisingly good character progression was that of Harvey Dent. Despite not knowing too much DC-lore, I knew that he was destined to become Two-Face. But as we got to meet his character, I felt more and more that he wasn’t going to be able to believably transfer from the unashamed do-gooder that he was to a merciless villain. I’ll be the first to admit that I was wrong. The death of his beloved Rachel, the severe disfigurement of his face, and the city-wide emotion of absolute-terror seemed more than enough to cause his already weakened mind to snap.

But what about Batman himself? This movie certainly decided to take the “symbol more than a person” route. As such, we mostly just see Batman reacting to situations, and going to any measures to stop the spread of evil. While this provides a lot of entertainment, we don’t get to see too much of the man behind the mask. And while I can appreciate the heroic and sacrificial themes of the movie, I really wish this movie would have been more about Bruce Wayne, and less about virtually everyone else. Indeed, Bruce himself seemed more like a supporting character rather than the main character. Still, despite minor complaints, this movie is certainly a must see.

-LOTRKing

Review of All Star Superman: Free Comic Book Day 2008 (2.75 stars) May 7, 2008

Posted by lotrking in Comic Book Reviews.
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Overall rating: 2.75 out of 5 stars

Yes, that’s right, I’m reviewing a DC comic. No, you’re not dreaming. I actually picked this up for two reasons: one, it was free, two, despite the fact that I don’t read DC doesn’t mean that I am not interested in DC characters. I’ve read random DC issues from time to time (though never bought one) and they were mostly pretty good (though a little confusing of course, since I’m not big on current DC happenings). In fact, the main reason I don’t read DC is because I know that if I picked up just one series, I’d end up picking up several other series to help fill in the DC Universe “world picture” (just like I ended up doing for Marvel) and I don’t have the money to essentially double the amount of comics I am currently getting. (In fact, I’m going to be dropping a series that I read now to pick up another series, but I’ll give details next week).

So, let me reiterate: as much a “true Marvelite” as I claim to be, I still have respect for DC and the influence it has on modern comics, and if I had more money, I’d probably read DC (picking up a few more Marvels before starting DC of course. 😉 ) That said, in terms of a “Free Comic Book Day” comic, I think this issue did worse than X-Men: FCBD. As a stand-alone issue, it was pretty good, but I’ll touch on that in later. First let’s examine exactly what this is. It’s a reprint. Not something new or original created just for Free Comic Book Day, it’s a “free second printing.” I feel sorry for the majority of DC fans who probably already have this issue; they didn’t have anything to look forward to last Saturday. Second, its not really a “stand-alone issue,” it’s part one in a storyarc, and the only way to read the rest is to buy a trade paperback. I realize the purpose of FCBD is to draw in readers, but leaving us cheapskates with a cliff hanger? If they really wanted to draw in more readers, they should have put out a “Final Crisis” prologue that got people pumped up for the story, but still remained an individual issue.

All that aside, the actual issue itself wasn’t too bad. From what I understand, DC’s “All Star” imprint is akin to Marvel’s “Ultimate” imprint. Though this issue seemed to set up a series more like “Superman: The End” rather than “Ultimate Superman.” Especially since they did not push the reset button on Superman’s origin, they took the same route, and at some point in time, “All Star” history must have deviated from “DC Universe” history. Indeed, it seems that we have jumped right into the middle of a storyarc instead of the beginning, as the story seems to be already going. (Though by the end, we get a fairly good explanation of what was happening.) The issue opens with Superman rescuing scientists from the first manned spacecraft to the Sun, which was sabotaged by an agent of Lex Luthor. In doing so, he absorbs too much solar radiation and his cells, too energized, begin to break down which will lead to his eventual death. Back on Earth, Luthor revels at his final triumph over Superman, even as he is rearrested. And Clark finally (can I really say finally as this is the first issue?) decides to reveal his identity to Lois.

So as I said, a fairly interesting issue, the writing was clear, and the art was extremely well done. Still, it is hard to keep it out of context as being a simple reprint given away for free. So, in terms of actual scores, as an individual issue, it gets 3.5 stars, but as a FCBD comic it gets 2 stars, therefore, an average of 2.75.

-LOTRKing

Batman Meets Marvel February 12, 2008

Posted by lotrking in Comic Book Stuff.
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So the other day, I was bored, and I had some time on my hands. These two are never a good combination. I ended up writing a script whose main purpose was to make fun of Batman. Eventually it evolved to make fun of everyone featured. So, like any good blogger, I decided to post it here. To those who get angered easily, please keep in mind that I stereotyped EVERY character involved, in fact I stereotyped them on purpose. So yes, I realize these are not very good representations of the characters, so please don’t get mad at me if your favorite character was not represented well. That said, let’s have some fun, and dig into this thing.

RANDOM PERSON 1: Look!
RP2: In the sky!
RP3: What the heck is it?
BATMAN: Why it’s the Bat Signal, of course!
RP1: The what?
BATMAN: The Bat Signal! It signals that Batman is needed to help fight crime!
RP2: Who the heck is Batman?
BATMAN: Why I am, of course!
RP3: Are you registered with the SHRA?
BATMAN: Holiday Hooby-Whatey?
*enter IRON MAN*
IRON MAN: Costumed vigilante! You are commanded to cease what you are doing and present proof of Initiative Membership!
*BATMAN reaches to Bat Belt*
BATMAN: All I have is this. *hands card to IRON MAN*
IRON MAN: What is this? This isn’t an Initiative license!
BATMAN: Why it’s the Bat Card of course!
IRON MAN: This isn’t Government Issue, where did you get it?
BATMAN: From my Bat Belt of course! The source of any item I ever need!
IRON MAN: I’m sorry, this won’t do, I’ll have to escort you to the 42 Negative Zone Prison!
*enter SPIDER-MAN*
SPIDER-MAN: Black Panther! Your skin! You’ve pulled a Michael Jackson! (At least you still have your nose!)
IRON MAN: This isn’t Black Panther, you idiot, it’s …. erm… Catman!
BATMAN: Batman!
IRON MAN: Whatever. Nonetheless, unless you sign the SHRA and submit to training, I will have no choice but to incarcerate you. Spidey, that goes for you to!
SPIDER-MAN: Not unless I take him with me to the secret hideout of the New Avengers!
IRON MAN: Dude, I read New Avengers Annual 2, you don’t have a secret hideout. It was destroyed when the Hood’s gang attacked, and Dr. Strange, your most powerful member, has quit, so unless you have an invisible army with you, I’m taking you both in.
SPIDER-MAN: Ha! You’ll never be able to take me and him at the same time! I’ll get away, and you’ll never find me, because you don’t know my secret identity anymore! So nyahh!
IRON MAN: Of course I do you’re ….. wait a minute, who are you? I know we used to be friends, but I suddenly can’t remember your name! It’s like someone retconned everything that has happened to you over the last several years!
SPIDER-MAN: Yup, it got retconned along with my marriage, my best friend’s death, and my sense of responsibility. Now I’m a jobless loser, who’s never been married, and still lives at home, while whining about how poor I am, and borrowing money from my dead best friend who isn’t dead any more!
BATMAN: I hate to interrupt, but that story sucks way too much to be believed. Are you sure you just didn’t have my pal Superman just use one of his infinite amount of powers, and erase his memory?
SPIDER-MAN: Of course not! The writers of my story are convinced that it was one of the best stories ever written!
BATMAN: *to himself* They must have somehow stolen some Bat Weed from my Bat Belt, to delude themselves like that!
IRON MAN: What was that?
BATMAN: Nothing.
IRON MAN: Whatever. Now I am taking you both in, you have two choices, you can come quietly or–
*DR STRANGE materializes out of nowhere*
DR STRANGE: Not so fast!
BATMAN: Who are you?
DR STRANGE: By the Vishanti! You know not who I am? I am Dr. Strange!
BATMAN: What a Strange name! *everyone groans at the horrible joke* And what can you do?
DR STRANGE: Magic!
BATMAN: Oh! A magician, eh? I once played one of those. Except it wasn’t really me, rather the same actor who played me in a movie (did I mention I have 5 movies? How many do you losers have?) and was also in a movie called–
DR STRANGE: No, real magic.
BATMAN: There’s no such thing, it’s just your lame excuse for not wanting to explain how you –
DR STRANGE: By the Sons of Satannish, you shall become a goat! *BATMAN turns into a goat, then turns back* Not so lame now, am I?
BATMAN: *who still has a goatee* Ha! At least everything I can do is of my own creation!
IRON MAN: *silently* Computer, record the following discussion for records of SHRA identification. *out loud* And what can you do?
BATMAN: Why, I have no powers, but I can still kick your butts any day, with all of the handy dandy utilities on my Bat Belt!
IRON MAN: Ha, all I would need to do is fry you with my –
BATMAN: Before you could even finish, I would disable your armor with my Bat EMP Emitter.
IRON MAN: Ha! I can detect EMPs before they happen, and shut down my systems before they happen!
BATMAN: Then I would simply use it in conjunction with my Bat Block Iron Man’s EMP Detector Machine, also conveniently found on my Bat Belt! And I could take out your buddies here with my Bat Webbing Dissolver, and my Bat Magic Blocker! Then, if I got hungry, I could have some Bat Spam!
RANDOM BRITISH WOMAN: I DON’T LIKE SPAM!!!
IRON MAN: How could you possibly have those items, especially since you didn’t believe in magic up until a few minutes ago?
BATMAN: My Bat Belt is equipped with everything I could possibly need (all of which I invented) and it is still extraordinarily light!
SPIDER-MAN: That’s impossible! And you think my story sounded stupid? At least I didn’t have Deluded Creators!
IRON MAN: I’ve had enough of this, I’m going to take you both in and get some help, and – wait a minute, Dr. Strange, what exactly are you doing here? I thought you took vacation time at a very inopportune moment in order meditate, and do other boring things, to fix you’re magic skills!
DR STRANGE: You’re right! I don’t know what I’m doing here. It must have just been one of those moments where I appear out of nowhere to fix a situation that I wasn’t even involved with in the first place! You’re on your own Spider-Man; I’ve got boring magic fixing stuff to do. *DR STRANGE vanishes into the air*
IRON MAN: Good, now that he’s gone, I’m calling in the reinforcements. Sentry! Your presence is required immediately!
*The SENTRY flies in*
SENTRY: Hi guys! I’m CRAZY!
BATMAN: That’sssss ……. nice.
SENTRY: How can I help you Iron Man? (I’m CRAZY!)
IRON MAN: Well, I need to arrest these two, but I can’t detain both at the same time, so I need you to –
SENTRY: No need to say more! (I’m CRAZY!) I’ll just fly this guy into the Sun, and you’ll have Spidey all to yourself! (I’m CRAZY!)
*SENTRY grabs BATMAN and flies off into space*
IRON MAN: No wait! *but it is too late* Alas poor Batman, we barely knew him! Batman has passed on! He is no more! He has ceased to be! He’s expired and gone to meet his maker! Bereft of life, he rests in peace! If he wasn’t thrown into the Sun, he’d be pushing up daisies! His metabolic processes are now history! He’s sleeping with the fishes and has gone to Davy Jones’ locker! He’s kicked the bucket, he’s shuffled off his mortal coil, run down the curtain, and joined the bleeding choir invisible! This is an ex-Batman!
*SENTRY comes zooming back into the atmosphere*
SENTRY: Well, that was easy! (I’m CRAZY!)
BATMAN: I’m not dead yet, I’m getting better!
IRON MAN: AAAAAAAAIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE! How are you still here?
BATMAN: Simple, once I heard he was going to fly me into the Sun, I simply pushed the Bat Cloning Button on my Bat Belt. He only flew my Bat Clone into the Sun.
SPIDER-MAN: I once had a clone, and then he thought he was me and I was him, and everybody hated it, and it has never been referred to since.
*awkward silence*
BATMAN: OK then.
SENTRY: I’m CRAZY!
IRON MAN: Batman, you could become a nuisance here really quick!
SPIDER-MAN: I’ve got an idea how to get rid of him! Oi! Mephisto!
*MEPHISTO appears*
MEPHISTO: Yes?
SPIDER-MAN: I’m ready to make another deal; you wanna retcon this Batman guy out of existence for me?
MEPHISTO: Of course, but the price will be that all that has happened in the last few minutes will also be retconned away too.
IRON MAN: You mean anyone who read this will have wasted their precious time by reading something that never happened?
MEPHISTO: That is correct.
SENTRY: I’m CRAZY!
SPIDER-MAN: I can live with that! Do it!
MEPHISTO: OK, but before I do, I want to tell you something that will make a small part of your souls suffer, even if you won’t remember. I’m going to tell you something very important, that you will now never know because I will erase having told you. Iron Man: YOU are the Skrull!
IRON MAN: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO….. (SENTRY: I’m CRAZY!) …..OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…… *all fades into darkness*
MEPHISTO: *laughs evilly* HA HA HA HA HA! I love doing that. *MEPHISTO pulls off his face, which is revealed to only be a mask, JOE QUESADA is revealed to be underneath*
JOE QUESADA: Ah, nothing like the smell of a good retconning in the morning!

END.

😉

Please leave comments!

-LOTRKing