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Review of Amazing Spider-Man 546 (1.5 stars) January 10, 2008

Posted by lotrking in Comic Book Reviews.
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Overall rating: 1.5 out of 5 stars

I must admit, this issue was better than I thought it would be, but still it wasn’t that good (I just had really low expectations). I just also want to clarify: the ONLY reason I got this issue is because it was leftover from my subscription. I cancelled the day I got 545, but they told me that I would get the next two issues anyway. Mehh, whatever, I’ll review em here for you, so you don’t have to buy them to know how much they suck. 😉

Since most of the rest of the review will be scathing, I thought I’d start out with my favorite part: the art! Yes, Steve McNiven’s art is the only thing in this issue that keeps it from being completely worthless. As always, his art rocks. My favorite page was the “montage page” where Peter remembers doing “this and that.” Still, the art can be the best art of all time, but it doesn’t matter that much if the story is horrible.

Okay, so get this One More Day haters, if the dissolution of the marriage hasn’t already left a gaping wound in your soul, the FIRST PAGE of Brand New Day shows Peter making out with someone who is NOT Mary Jane. Given, we find out later that Peter was just as surprised at this as we are, but opening the issue like this is just adding insult to a huge injury. Bad form! If this was a live performance, I would have been booing at this point, and that is just the first page. And if that is not bad enough, we next get a brief cameo from Mary Ja – oh I’m sorry “Jackpot.” I mean, are they purposefully torturing any marriage fans who stayed on after One More Day? If I didn’t know better, I would think they were purposefully trying to drive away readers. (Then again, maybe they are… Hey, I wonder if Joe Quesada is a Skrull…)

We next find Aunt May, whose character seems to have devolved to the same way she was in the 60s, waking up Peter who is back in his room at Aunt May’s. Yay! So much character progression! We had a mature, married adult, and now we have someone who is almost 30, unemployed, and living with his “mom,” and this is a good thing, because now stereotypical nerds everywhere can relate to him! Next issue, he’ll get his glasses back, play some D&D with Harry, and start speaking Klingon! And maybe, if we are really lucky, he’ll figure out a way to include a pocket protector onto his Spidey costume! *sigh* 😦

Next, we meet the girl who is likely to become Pete’s new girlfriend (but of course, we know they will never get married, so we don’t even need to care about this or any other relationship, because they will go nowhere), she’s shy, kind of nerdy, and her name is Deb Whitman. ….. Wait, no, her name was Carlie. Well, it doesn’t matter, it is all the same.

We then progress to the only interesting part of the book, some bad guy named “Mr. Negative” kills some people, and gets a suitcase full of stuff written in Klingon. (Which Peter will likely be forced to translate next issue, see above for details). But don’t blink, cause then you might miss this scene and think the entire issue was uninteresting, and we know what a travesty that would be!

Cue the reprint of the first page. That’s right Marvelites! If the kiss scene didn’t sicken you enough the first time, we are going to show it to you again for extra nauseating pleasure! This is shortly followed thereafter by my favorite line of the issue: “I’m too young to get married.” I don’t care how you do the math, but Peter is at the very least 25, I’m willing to bet a lot closer to 30. This is definitely NOT too young to get married. This is followed shortly thereafter, but us finding out that Harry has been married THREE TIMES! THREE TIMES!!! (Keep in mind these characters are the exact same age here!) So, not only did they have to bring Harry back from the dead, but they’ve turned him from a character we can respect into a complete man-wh*re. Great choice of friends Pete!

Anyways, blah, blah, blah, more boring stuff happens and then JJJ dies ….. wait, WHAT? We lose MJ and JJJ? But we keep boring old Aunt May, and new playa Harry? When did a thirteen year old start writing these stories? (Of course, we didn’t really lose MJ, she comes back as a superhero – case in point of the thirteen year old comment.)

So until Marvel stops with “Rehash Old Stories Day!” Make Mine Not Marvel.

-LOTRKing

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